Hello my little blue eyed boy,

I’m led here in bed thinking of you and feeling both happy and sad as I often do when you pop into my head. I dont really know why but ive been thinking a bit about death and what awaits us on the other side. I was thinking about how it would feel to know you are dieing and whether for you it was better you were so young and so had nothing to fear or whether because you wereso young it made you more scared because youdidnt understand what was happening. I really hope you werent scared or at least not for long.I hope you felt the peace wash over you as some people describe and you felt our love and knew that we were right there with you. I know youcouldnt fight anymore and although I wish we could of somehow saved you I hope your at peace and happy somewhere waiting for us to be together again. 

Im no longer scared to die when I think of you waiting there and I feel like although I would never want to leave your brother and sister it would be selfish to want to stay here with them when you are on your own. The thought of there not being an ‘afterlife’ scares me more than anything and the thought that you are simply gone. It hurts so much that it breaks my heart and I cant bear to think that your life was taken with no chance to be with you again one day.

I still feel so angry that you arent here with us, its just not right and our family will never ever be complete without you here with us. I hope you watch us and see all the times we talk about you and all the amazing fundraising everyone continues to do in your memory. You are kept alive here with us in so many ways George.

Nanna Wignall said she kisses you goodnight every night, I hope you see that and visit her now and again in her dreams. I know you never visit me in mine because it’d make me too upset butI wouldnt mind a quick visit every now and thenjust to see your beautiful cheeky face. Sometimes I feel so guilty that I don’t spend the time to talk to you more or write to you on here but I hope you know your always here with me in my heart and your reflected in the way I look after your brother and sister. We do so many things together making lots of memories and they are Practically always by my side I never want to let them go. They are such happy, loving littlr children and they both have qualities of yours and remind me of you in so many ways. I just so wishyou could be here to join in the fun and memory making more than anything in the world. You are so missed George by so many people and your presence is always felt I hope you know.

I love you so much my perfect little Angel

Keep looking after us and sending us your love

Always yours, Mummy xxxxxx